tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25637863793690332272024-02-06T18:27:11.889-08:00Conquering ConfidenceJayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-1402457638932368092023-12-16T08:49:00.000-08:002023-12-16T08:49:49.610-08:00Deciding A Client Isn't A Good Fit Is Not Failure<p> </p><p><br /></p><p>Having a conversation with a canine professional colleague the other day, and she told me about a recent experience where she realised that a potential client wasn’t going to be a good fit and it got me thinking.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh60iOKD0yjwERxk-uFg9DYNhNDXbj7uoYD40wx53ZCJ3gLuk6lgHnfQYjl0Xb5mMoc_TA9NF3QdbgFHSOYiM43s573G_job0f9JIdjOmV8U1vZBDL8n637AWSaIAVYvHZpRDyE_hIhdcNeu0Yye8v1y31jfEJ_Z9xM6OQWujGZlrlfqMEgvmBNZk42WJ-G/s940/If%20someone%20is%20judging%20you%20that's%20their%20problem.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh60iOKD0yjwERxk-uFg9DYNhNDXbj7uoYD40wx53ZCJ3gLuk6lgHnfQYjl0Xb5mMoc_TA9NF3QdbgFHSOYiM43s573G_job0f9JIdjOmV8U1vZBDL8n637AWSaIAVYvHZpRDyE_hIhdcNeu0Yye8v1y31jfEJ_Z9xM6OQWujGZlrlfqMEgvmBNZk42WJ-G/w400-h335/If%20someone%20is%20judging%20you%20that's%20their%20problem.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>I suspect many of us who are working as canine pros, whether in training, behaviour work, grooming, or whatever aspect of the canine world we are involved in, have encountered clients or potential clients and we knew early on that it was unlikely to work well or get the results everyone wanted.</p><p><br /></p><p>This can feel like failure, especially if working in training and behaviour. People are coming to us for help with their dogs and to turn them down can, in our own minds, mark us out as not good enough at the job, that we are kidding ourselves about our levels of knowledge and competence.</p><p><br /></p><p>The thing is that this could not be further from the truth. Understanding our own limitations and having the ability to judge when we should refer on or decline to take a client on because we know they won’t be a good fit for us is the furthest possible thing from failure. It is a massive strength to know when to say no, and to follow that through.</p><p><br /></p><p>One of the most important reasons to consider saying no to a potential client or telling an existing client that you no longer wish to continue the professional relationship is due to the protection that can provide for our mental health.</p><p><br /></p><p>It’s all too easy, especially early on in our careers, to fall into the trap (entirely well meaning) of worrying what is going to happen to the dog if we don’t keep trying to show their caregivers the best way to work with them. To educate guardians away from the use of aversive tools and techniques. I absolutely understand that urge to keep trying. As an educator, I am always trying to show people, whether students or dog guardians, the reasons why positive reinforcement and reward-based methods should be used with all dogs.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLgFdGUBaN8kTuE0W5f3OD3IUKT3SFm9NLTgNXg2mACudwgd0F1zBfmb4e3dyl3rAryUjJaHLetf2PVfKiTh2yriw6srhgkfqppg__dSLOScjOa0GdrJsNaOrPmNZFVg2i8su3LEV-Y-4E6SDmXTqmzaSMdLjzhASZotr1fSbHGuzdaVMldOmFR_ucBAYF/s1280/dog-training-5098572_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLgFdGUBaN8kTuE0W5f3OD3IUKT3SFm9NLTgNXg2mACudwgd0F1zBfmb4e3dyl3rAryUjJaHLetf2PVfKiTh2yriw6srhgkfqppg__dSLOScjOa0GdrJsNaOrPmNZFVg2i8su3LEV-Y-4E6SDmXTqmzaSMdLjzhASZotr1fSbHGuzdaVMldOmFR_ucBAYF/w400-h266/dog-training-5098572_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>There is that awful feeling of guilt that comes if we think about ‘giving in’ knowing that the dog will continue to be exposed to these other methods. But, when it comes to these clients that aren’t listening to us and aren’t following the advice and training plans that we give them, who aren’t willing to put the work in to get to where they need to be, no matter how much we try to educate and persuade them, they will not listen. It makes no difference how much we try. Those clients are not going to get to where we would like them to be. The sad truth is that whatever effort we put in those clients will not match it.</p><p><br /></p><p>It is far better to realise this fact and make the decision to refuse to take on or to sack a client. There are plenty of dogs out there needing our help, and with guardians and caregivers who WILL listen to our advice, who want to achieve the sorts of relationships with their dogs that we know are possible.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWMpTZjF7ly37AFjCx1DuK6DbiuZvGt55_CLMYw99PKYYrJjtBHvP0VWqhIAQzl5e6vUHusnC67gZGJxAex021fZrMKoKgOcHLTIIoCYhwkPpyo866b6cYxJXKL2L4ogS2-0jVek2gUaB0-msFQlQ6MaHhmk6RatMm1qlB8y8-Y7XwCokf0yZw09FMoqAw/s1280/dachshund-672780_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="848" data-original-width="1280" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWMpTZjF7ly37AFjCx1DuK6DbiuZvGt55_CLMYw99PKYYrJjtBHvP0VWqhIAQzl5e6vUHusnC67gZGJxAex021fZrMKoKgOcHLTIIoCYhwkPpyo866b6cYxJXKL2L4ogS2-0jVek2gUaB0-msFQlQ6MaHhmk6RatMm1qlB8y8-Y7XwCokf0yZw09FMoqAw/w400-h265/dachshund-672780_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>Save your energy and time for the (human) clients who deserve it and make the difference for them and their dogs. Your mental health will be far better for it.</p><p><br /></p><p>Don't forget the <a href="https://www.goodguardianship.com/challenge-page/ImposterSyndrome" target="_blank">Imposter Syndrome workshop</a> available through my <a href="https://www.goodguardianship.com/" target="_blank">Good Guardianship</a> site (<a href="https://www.goodguardianship.com/challenges" target="_blank">alongside others</a>). An hour long presentation that explains what imposter syndrome is, how we can tell if we have it, and some tips and ways to help combat its influence and impact.</p><div><br /></div>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-16186204232642531222022-05-12T09:44:00.007-07:002022-05-12T09:52:59.934-07:00I'm Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway<p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Today it’s my turn to write about having confidence wobbles. I’m in the process of writing courses (as well as some other exciting stuff that I will hopefully be able to talk about soon) and it has woken up my imposter syndrome. It’s taken me much longer to get to the point where I’m ready to start putting things together to market this course because: </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: justify;"><i>Who the hell am I to write courses? </i></li><li style="text-align: justify;"><i>Doesn’t everybody know what I know? </i></li><li style="text-align: justify;"><i>Do I really have anything to share that people don’t know already?</i></li></ul><p></p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrMERq_2YkNSe3V0VjtgqaNR6tJqysYNKKEPO6YSB8sZjx5_hU6XCZFnLvqGTmK7oNHU8d88cPkAnrxwFAvNWM8k1RYtcFxknkeJ6zLyKtMhjUK_3vh5JwqDOAoOSxl279Rl3K0tWwF19uN-yrFqbAyZE4iH_Qih2JLkm5J-yAD2KQ8ZsNdYdWQL8FGA/s1920/self-esteem-1566153_1920.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="855" data-original-width="1920" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrMERq_2YkNSe3V0VjtgqaNR6tJqysYNKKEPO6YSB8sZjx5_hU6XCZFnLvqGTmK7oNHU8d88cPkAnrxwFAvNWM8k1RYtcFxknkeJ6zLyKtMhjUK_3vh5JwqDOAoOSxl279Rl3K0tWwF19uN-yrFqbAyZE4iH_Qih2JLkm5J-yAD2KQ8ZsNdYdWQL8FGA/w400-h179/self-esteem-1566153_1920.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have had to give myself a serious talking to and take my own advice, both in terms of feeling the fear and living it anyway (seriously, I am almost living in the <a href="https://blue-merle-minion.creator-spring.com/listing/feeling-the-fear" target="_blank">merchandise pieces I have with that design on</a>) and making objective assessments. So I thought I’d share with you as I practice what I preach!</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: justify;"><i>Who the hell am I to write courses? </i></h3><p style="text-align: justify;">I am a fairly successful author with some well regarded books, a couple of which have spent much of their existence bouncing around the top 100 bestselling dog books in the UK Amazon store – and one that has in the last few months done the same in the US store a few times. I am working as a tutor for a canine education provider and there’s no way I’d be doing that if I was a total nobody who knew nothing.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: justify;"><i>Doesn’t everybody know what I know?</i> </h3><p style="text-align: justify;">See again the fact that I’m tutoring for a canine education provider, including tutoring Ofqual courses. I wouldn’t be doing that unless I know the subject well – I can always learn more but I’m working on that all the time!</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: justify;"><i>Do I really have anything to share that people don’t know already?</i></h3><p style="text-align: justify;">This is the tricky one for me – but I realise that my world view is distorted. Most of the people I know on social media are dog people so yes, many of them know much of what I know. And many of them know more about certain aspects of dogs than I do.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">But as an individual with a history of having dogs and learning about dogs, my knowledge and perspective is always going to be a little different to everybody else.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I express myself differently to others, I have a unique voice (because we all do) and so when I speak I probably will not be saying things that are new to everybody, but they will new to somebody.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">They will be more accessible to somebody.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">They will be what somebody needs to hear, what they need to learn to deal with something, to understand something better.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">So yes, there are people who can learn from me, just as there are so many people I can learn from. And yes, this means I am absolutely the right person to write the courses I am writing. To write the books I am writing. To write the articles I am writing. To do this other thing that I’m bursting to talk about but can’t just yet.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Does that mean I’m not scared? Not at all. I veer between excitement at all these things I’m doing and sheer terror of them. But what I am making sure of is that the terror doesn’t get to stop me. That I am <a href="https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/81723072" target="_blank">feeling the fear and doing it anyway</a>.</p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And you can absolutely do it too. Believe in yourself - I believe in you.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcvONI967gIDlSjKPWeyv_l_Qd2E9Uk-HegTs2eKC5RzMa4v49ToOWMmMRHwWlwt2v4LXVWWg0TpM8n0OJZHOzDIDIIwd0PUl7y8_0rbw151suylMHPhDKVoPsSKdYBAjgQ-5UjXvJn6Hzwfhm4MPkqpftAThPBUfateYyPYwaEfcXiE7iDk6_OEcydQ/s1920/impossible-6562613_1920.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1299" data-original-width="1920" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcvONI967gIDlSjKPWeyv_l_Qd2E9Uk-HegTs2eKC5RzMa4v49ToOWMmMRHwWlwt2v4LXVWWg0TpM8n0OJZHOzDIDIIwd0PUl7y8_0rbw151suylMHPhDKVoPsSKdYBAjgQ-5UjXvJn6Hzwfhm4MPkqpftAThPBUfateYyPYwaEfcXiE7iDk6_OEcydQ/w400-h271/impossible-6562613_1920.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>If this has resonated with you, I have a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/124746796350145" target="_blank">Facebook group</a> for supporting dog people who are struggling with imposter syndrome. If you are a canine professional or canine caregiver, of you are struggling with feelings of fraudulence, that you're just not good enough, come and join our lovely supportive community, all fighting imposter syndrome together.</div><div><br /></div><div>I also have a book titled <a href="https://amzn.to/34ppPos" target="_blank">Conquering Confidence</a>, which helps readers to identify if they have imposter syndrome and how to help lessen its influence and impact on their lives. The link goes to the Amazon UK store, but the book is available on other Amazon stores. If you'd prefer not to give them your money, the <a href="https://books2read.com/b/bW1wVx" target="_blank">ebook can be bought elsewhere</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">** Links on these pages may be affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission on any purchases made via these links**</div>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-27789667275378581462022-04-15T12:33:00.001-07:002022-04-15T12:33:43.089-07:00Who Gets to Decide If You Have Helped?<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It has been far too long since I blogged here. A few things have been going on, positive and negative, and some of them things that have brought my own imposter syndrome raging to the forefront of my mind.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpzHFyWv6shH-ZsI22Ie8SGvZ3s2Of-3rDWGA-h-Kfj-R7_EHDwPZBXmZpRbsg6_s0oMQFrMgv6vMnImiiWtZosKij2eeyPd-TUvYUP_l8fyG9Q9ZDI0tYKi17daSNSm6CB1q68RkF0iZmkMjKGge-DB4ZIflWK7TVZ23gUtRk4P8dhGF6zBMSiHHRIA/s940/You%20can%20receive%20all%20the%20compliments%20in%20the%20world,%20but%20that%20won't%20do%20a%20thing%20unless%20you%20believe%20it%20yourself..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpzHFyWv6shH-ZsI22Ie8SGvZ3s2Of-3rDWGA-h-Kfj-R7_EHDwPZBXmZpRbsg6_s0oMQFrMgv6vMnImiiWtZosKij2eeyPd-TUvYUP_l8fyG9Q9ZDI0tYKi17daSNSm6CB1q68RkF0iZmkMjKGge-DB4ZIflWK7TVZ23gUtRk4P8dhGF6zBMSiHHRIA/w400-h335/You%20can%20receive%20all%20the%20compliments%20in%20the%20world,%20but%20that%20won't%20do%20a%20thing%20unless%20you%20believe%20it%20yourself..png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Since the <a href="https://conquering-confidence.blogspot.com/2021/08/the-link-between-anxious-dogs-and.html" target="_blank">last time I blogged</a>, I survived (and actually enjoyed) giving a live webinar, including answering some great questions after the initial presentation was finished.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">My tutoring career has continued to grow, and I am now tutoring some Ofqual regulated courses alongside CPD courses for <a href="https://www.canineprinciples.com/link/XQfqOm" target="_blank">Canine Principles</a>. I love tutoring, and find myself frequently quite invested in many of my students. Unsurprisingly, helping the students who lack confidence has become a massively rewarding part of the job, finding ways to help them discover that yes, they are more than capable of the work and yes, they can absolutely complete the course in some style.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I’m also writing courses for dog guardians, for the <a href="https://www.goodguardianship.com/challenges" target="_blank">Good Guardianship</a> site, which has had the imposter syndrome pricking up its ears and lying in wait for me. As has the planning of further books to write and release.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Who am I to think about writing courses for other people?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Who am I to think about regarding myself as an educator in any capacity?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Who am I to think that I can <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/124746796350145/" target="_blank">help others with imposter syndrome</a> when I have it myself?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Who am I to think that anybody wants to read a(nother) <a href="https://jaygurden.com/books" target="_blank">book I’ve written</a>?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Possibly one of the biggest things that has the mind monkeys stirred up is the loosely planned organising myself to get out and start working with clients. Having completed Kim Brophey’s amazing Family Dog Mediator course, I will in the near(ish) future being putting myself out there into the training and behaviour world, instead of hiding behind a computer screen all of the time. Although to be fair, some of my work with clients is more than likely to be over Zoom, but that still involved putting myself out there.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Someone called me inspirational the other day. My first instinct and knee jerk reaction was to wave it off, laugh it off and draw a line under it. I’m really not good with compliments, and I have spent a lot of my life being invisible, often by design. People saying nice things about me doesn’t really go with invisibility. Later on the same day, I sat down for a while and cuddled a collie dog (my main function when not working, playing or preparing his meals!) and it came back into my mind, along with my reaction to it. I realised something important, about this particular situation and imposter syndrome in general when it comes to other people’s thoughts about me.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">My opinion of that doesn’t matter. I don’t get to decide if somebody else finds anything I do interesting, helpful, inspirational. That is all in the eye of the beholder. If someone thinks that I have helped them, or that something I have done or continue to do inspires them in same way, that person is the one who is in the best position to decide that. In fact, they are the only person who can decide that.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">So when your clients are telling you that you have helped them and have done great things for their relationships with their dogs don’t wave it off. Don’t give that embarrassed little smile and awkward chuckle. Be proud that you have helped someone improve their situation. Because they are the ones who get to say that. And they are saying it because it’s what they believe. You have helped them. That is something of which you can be proud. So make sure to record the positive feedback – it can be a massive help on the days when it all feels hard and the mind monkeys are pulling their tricks. Proof that you can do the job, because you ARE doing the job.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguelWNqIyFXBjfjMy5O2sGgnH8AgE4gC0V-5WzvKipBuhkApLTh-5AqeUGtl-05eokAi7P6xC6hAIiwISUGNVX3MzCvwZ9w2Mkzy-TVGBMXjSch2obCkjZrxfYEUPFrhYWHIT9jgZTJxNxcchhCihafqryImx2DO2C1GxkHITcunCiU4Voe2TkZSjuoA/s940/Believe%20you%20can%20and%20you're%20halfway%20there.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguelWNqIyFXBjfjMy5O2sGgnH8AgE4gC0V-5WzvKipBuhkApLTh-5AqeUGtl-05eokAi7P6xC6hAIiwISUGNVX3MzCvwZ9w2Mkzy-TVGBMXjSch2obCkjZrxfYEUPFrhYWHIT9jgZTJxNxcchhCihafqryImx2DO2C1GxkHITcunCiU4Voe2TkZSjuoA/w400-h335/Believe%20you%20can%20and%20you're%20halfway%20there.png" width="400" /></a></div>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-87627643864016006462021-08-04T11:58:00.001-07:002022-11-28T03:05:07.691-08:00The Link Between Anxious Dogs and Imposter Syndrome<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">The majority of people I know reading this blog are dog people, so this time I’m going to talk a little about dog training and behaviour methods as understood by kind and ethical canine professionals, and how that applies to us with our imposter syndrome. It’s a topic that has come up in a few of the workshops* that I have run, and so I think it’s worth exploring here.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9udQpng0AtR4qDnGymb1u6na4nC2jNuBtVcDDSIhKExU2I8ySFNxRS3pDQNa6YlmLG2CzQcJX0N62G0G_JP-odHiBpVdgaPOagg4leezu4yGoVwwIzuSkqH0e9bkIJ6590E25uTbOZe7-/s940/I+wish+I+could+show+you%252C+when+you+are+lonely+or+in+darkness%252C+the+astonishing+light+of+your+own+being..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9udQpng0AtR4qDnGymb1u6na4nC2jNuBtVcDDSIhKExU2I8ySFNxRS3pDQNa6YlmLG2CzQcJX0N62G0G_JP-odHiBpVdgaPOagg4leezu4yGoVwwIzuSkqH0e9bkIJ6590E25uTbOZe7-/w400-h335/I+wish+I+could+show+you%252C+when+you+are+lonely+or+in+darkness%252C+the+astonishing+light+of+your+own+being..png" width="400" /></a></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Dogs Have Emotions Too</h2><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I know this comes as no surprise to the educated dog people among us. For a long time many refused to believe in the idea of dogs having emotions and personalities. The perception of dogs was that a single dog varied only minimally from every other dog. The concept of individuality was not one applied to dogs.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">We are now far more aware of our dogs’ emotional capacities – proof having come in the form of functional MRI scans, analysing the brain activity of dogs in real time. Training dogs to wear ear protection and lay perfectly still for a scan is also a fantastic illustration of the power of positive reinforcement reward based training.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">We know that our dogs have the cognitive ability roughly equivalent to a human toddler, and they experience some of the same emotions as us (although not so much the higher emotions – that dog in the funny video with the ‘guilty’ expression is not feeling guilty but trying to appease the humans so bad stuff doesn’t happen to them). Our dogs can be happy, sad, frustrated, and scared. Dogs can also experience anxiety, and this is where the discussion of canine emotion and imposter syndrome meets.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Most canine professionals working as trainers or behaviour practitioners (and a proportion of dog guardians) encounter dogs with anxiety or fear related behaviours. We understand that these are not failings on the part of the dogs, but are the result of a whole combination of potential causes: genetics, epigenetics, prior learning and experiences to name the most commonly discussed factors in canine reactive behaviours.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">A Connection Between Reactive Dogs and Imposter Syndrome?</h2><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">We understand as experienced dog people that reactive behaviours, those times when dogs may show what looks like aggressive behaviours, or try to run away or hide from something are based in fear and stress. When these things are encountered repeatedly, a dog can become anxious. This means that rather than reacting to something stressful that is obvious in the environment, the dog is anticipating the stress arriving. Stress is building before there is even anything concrete to be stressed about.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Sound familiar?</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">All of the anticipating things going wrong. Stressing about events that haven’t even happened yet. Worrying about showing ourselves up when there is no actual need. Thinking we don’t know enough when we absolutely do.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Be Kind to Yourself</h2><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Isn’t it time we started applying the kindness and gentle methods we use with scared and anxious dogs to ourselves?</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Just as we don’t blame anxiety and fear on the scared dogs, we shouldn’t keep beating ourselves up about imposter syndrome. The same basic physiological processes underlying the stress response take place in both our canine friends and us. Those same innate reactions triggered by the approach of something stressful. We are both mammals, with the same structures in our bodies and brains, although laid out a little differently to account for the different number of limbs and different evolutional origins and paths.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">For scared and anxious dogs, we take the pressure off. We give them a break, to let the stress hormones drop back down and let the body recover from that stressed state. We work on building their confidence and resilience, letting them learn that they are safe, that they have choices, and that the world isn’t the scary place they took it to be. We need to find ways to give ourselves at least a little of that.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHoJ3_yMYkeq_QlP8pk3WmNmQ2in3z2r-RHds8T7gh6AzeI7g20hyphenhyphenG4Brb3n5aN1dWOatXtsSDesaEQRt7xL6vQBr2EuNwlHyKaiVuWhvTQ-uU6GlEsZdhpBlLHR09Ixzn6I1QCYx4KzLV/s940/conquering+confidence+2.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHoJ3_yMYkeq_QlP8pk3WmNmQ2in3z2r-RHds8T7gh6AzeI7g20hyphenhyphenG4Brb3n5aN1dWOatXtsSDesaEQRt7xL6vQBr2EuNwlHyKaiVuWhvTQ-uU6GlEsZdhpBlLHR09Ixzn6I1QCYx4KzLV/w400-h335/conquering+confidence+2.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">If nothing else, a bit of counter conditioning by applying your treat of choice can’t be a bad idea!</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">* For more information on the imposter syndrome workshops or my mentoring membership, you can join my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/124746796350145" target="_blank">Facebook imposter syndrome support group</a>, see the <a href="https://conquering-confidence.blogspot.com/p/workshops.html" target="_blank">Workshops page</a> on this blog, or see the '<a href="https://jaygurden.com/conquering-confidence" target="_blank">Conquering Confidence</a>' page on my website.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">To start gaining some control over the imposter syndrome thinking and reducing the influence it has over you, have a look at my article '<a href="https://conquering-confidence.blogspot.com/2021/07/5-tips-to-start-gaining-control-of.html" target="_blank">5 Tips to Start Gaining Control of Imposter Syndrome</a>'.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have some imposter syndrome related designs live and available in my <a href="http://bluemerleminion.redbubble.com" target="_blank">Redbubble store</a>, which you can find by clicking the link above.</p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/84166610" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3ho68ILcLO1IzwV_w7GAjGhmiC0zbkFvQxW0ROwI9RWjdBiYD5lrlWMQ9OPLzRhIIJoaT64KC1BCjmZ-QgAGxw5etqx1BluSXjimSp7rJFjOsnkjij5evpHq6dzW3IDIWJ6xeLf1YVjQA/w320-h320/Conquering+badge.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-19387222581732967192021-07-19T06:33:00.000-07:002024-01-16T02:13:28.617-08:003 Reasons We Should Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others<p> </p><p><br /></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">One thing that can be so tempting is to compare ourselves
with others around us.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">For many of us, this is something first instilled in us as
children. Whenever a test came up at school, huddles would form afterwards
specifically to allow the participants to compare results. I remember (more
years ago than I care to contemplate now!) making the move from secondary
school and GCSEs to 6<sup>th</sup> Form ready to start A-levels at 16 years
old.<span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">There were quite a few making the journey from that school
to that college. The first time we saw each other in our new educational
setting, there was no ‘Hi, how was your summer?’ or other such niceties.
Instead, it was pretty much all curiosity about who had got what grades for
their GCSEs.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">That competitive streak that was fostered in us doesn’t go away when we leave school or
college behind us and move into the professional world. We are always comparing ourselves to the other professionals around us. The chances are that we are making things worse as we are not making a fair comparison.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: justify;">We Come Via Different Routes</h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The path to becoming a canine professional is not a defined one. The dog world is currently unregulated, which means anyone can call themselves a dog trainer, even if they haven't studied at all. Of course, good canine professionals who are committed to finding quality education and ensuring they learn from the best. The lack of defined path can lead to doubts about the courses we have chosen to study compared to others around us. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">There are several excellent canine education providers supplying quality courses that give their students superb knowledge and skills to take into the professional world. This means there is not one singular provider that students can go to knowing they are 'the one' but must take some time to assess the providers they are considering. The student is judging whether the provider in question's courses are likely to be scientifically valid and up to date, or if they teach outdated science and techniques, meaning that clients' dogs in the future may be handled and trained with less ethical and kind methodologies.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1vHeU5qturQOrMMqQde2wLVmRdJ3BtIjjryrFdi6Mpvrgd387VUzeV2IrnIuqgTN8-XmvlEEBwJ_1hOmmh_SHBVXFfMzhWmt_kVwQ_zYbWd9dqWdIWdF3T5WWcEfWLfyWIk2OWV8Dj6X/s940/Business+analytics+for+Beginners.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1vHeU5qturQOrMMqQde2wLVmRdJ3BtIjjryrFdi6Mpvrgd387VUzeV2IrnIuqgTN8-XmvlEEBwJ_1hOmmh_SHBVXFfMzhWmt_kVwQ_zYbWd9dqWdIWdF3T5WWcEfWLfyWIk2OWV8Dj6X/w400-h335/Business+analytics+for+Beginners.png" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: justify;">All good professionals are always continuing to learn, making sure to keep up with CPD and that the knowledge held is current and scientifically valid. This is the hallmark of a true excellent professional. One who acknowledges that they can't know everything and that staying up to date on the best and kindest methods is vital. Once more, there is a huge range of available CPD to undertake, which again makes for a slight variation in our knowledge and approach.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">We Have Different Experiences</h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">While many client/dog pairings requiring training and/or behaviour advice have similarities, they will all have unique little details. We often talk about the importance of recognising the individuality of dogs, and that holds true for the people around them. It's also true for the individual relationships that dog has with different members of their families. We all have different relationships with our own dogs - again, they are all individuals.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Every single dog teaches us something - whether they are easy going and easy to be around, or complex with quirks and difficulties (although the complicated, 'difficult' ones often teach us the most). The combination of different dogs we encounter, whether within our own family or social circle or as clients provide a unique set of experiences that mean we will always have a slightly different perspective on things from everyone else. The differences may be minute but they exist, and they have an effect.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">We Are Different People</h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Just as all dogs are individual, so are all people. We are, just as they are, a combination of nature and nurture, of genetics, learning, and experience. We will all look at things in a slightly different way. Show a hundred people a piece of art or play them a certain song, and they will all experience it slightly differently. That doesn't mean that anybody's experience or interpretation is any less valid, but it is informed by those differences.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">This world of ours is made up of a multitude of different people, with different faiths, belief systems, histories, different perspectives on the world. With all of that in mind, it's clear that comparing ourselves to others can have little constructive use. Better instead to stick to comparing ourselves to the person we were before, to ensure we are continuing to grow and develop.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5xkv-gnlqLzaAaqVlQNFIqASu05vPXQANdFV7HvJMoGckabTE8PxvwSZVBxqFzlmuIB7rDikoVn4RvzxDhy-IB6s4FQBDXs2TqyIGPOQUyypEBZMDWGkYpZRR29-uRVy_mzhxZ88UkN6s/s940/Only+compare+the+person+you+are+today+to+the+person+you+were+the+day+before..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5xkv-gnlqLzaAaqVlQNFIqASu05vPXQANdFV7HvJMoGckabTE8PxvwSZVBxqFzlmuIB7rDikoVn4RvzxDhy-IB6s4FQBDXs2TqyIGPOQUyypEBZMDWGkYpZRR29-uRVy_mzhxZ88UkN6s/w400-h335/Only+compare+the+person+you+are+today+to+the+person+you+were+the+day+before..png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Don't forget the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/124746796350145" target="_blank">Facebook support group</a>. It's become a wonderful welcoming and supportive community which is an amazing place to be a part of.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The first round of workshops is coming to an end which means I have availability for both group and individual workshops. Send me a message via my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jaygurdenwriter" target="_blank">Facebook page</a> or <a href="https://jaygurden.com/contact" target="_blank">website contact</a> for details.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I also have availability on the mentoring membership. Again, send me a message by the above channels if you want more details.</p><p></p>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-71150499660328024332021-07-11T06:37:00.002-07:002022-09-27T02:34:22.281-07:005 Tips to Start Gaining Control of Imposter Syndrome<div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Imposter syndrome is incredibly pervasive and persistent. It drags at our minds, nipping away the strands of our self-confidence and self-esteem. If it keeps doing this unchallenged, our perception of our worth in professional and even personal lives is in danger of severe damage.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50SFHvHFSKUVsXdWfJ0Ara-reLtHew_eWFIY-77YHUeMgwNalYMgkgnhVnIGsWaofxXtub7mu1cNg6U-UOTH3stSACnK9rJ4RIujwuHMke_gsxt7HcbSvyRTlRhojc68bY97Wj8UKRD0A/s940/It%2527s+not+what+you+are+that+holds+you+back%252C+it%2527s+what+you+think+you+are+not..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50SFHvHFSKUVsXdWfJ0Ara-reLtHew_eWFIY-77YHUeMgwNalYMgkgnhVnIGsWaofxXtub7mu1cNg6U-UOTH3stSACnK9rJ4RIujwuHMke_gsxt7HcbSvyRTlRhojc68bY97Wj8UKRD0A/w400-h335/It%2527s+not+what+you+are+that+holds+you+back%252C+it%2527s+what+you+think+you+are+not..png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Why is Imposter Syndrome So Hard to Fight?</h2><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Imposter syndrome is an internal thing, held within us. Closely connected with how we feel about and perceive ourselves, it can be very hard to tackle. Every person’s experience of imposter syndrome is unique to them. Each person has their own particular combination of negative thoughts and history that have come together to shape their imposter experience.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The good news is that there are things we can do to help disprove these negative thoughts. Techniques we can use to reduce the impact and influence those thoughts may have on us, personally and professionally. Even if we can’t entirely get rid of our imposter syndrome, we can at least reduce the effects it has on our careers.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: justify;">What Can We Do to Combat Imposter Thinking?</h2><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">There are a number of things we can use to break the hold the negative thoughts of imposter syndrome have on us.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: justify;">Keep a Journal</h3><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Create a record of the good things that happen. Whenever something goes well. A class goes off perfectly. That 1-2-1 with someone really struggling to understand their dog’s behaviour where it all comes together. A client gives great feedback about how you’ve helped their relationship with their dog and everything has improved for them and their family. When any of these things happen, make a record of them.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">You can make a file on your computer or phone, or write them in a physical <a href="https://www.redbubble.com/people/bluemerleminion/shop?artistUserName=bluemerleminion&asc=u&iaCode=u-notebook-spiral" target="_blank">journal</a> kept specifically for that purpose. Creating a repository of the good things gives a concrete piece of evidence you can return to on a day you’re struggling, and prove to the negative imposter thoughts that they are the fakes.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmcDLAMPXQoGs07I-BX3fdkcFElMKJJirFLqVBSI4NrA7TXKIWKvvxTrjaicoE1DZLG4zzVoneSWes3U5_BvvS0qIM4dh9r3Ab4MsKReUbhW_O-iWN9Gi9yFECfegahwCZ7mtZUhfkdrq/s940/there+are+a+lot+of+stories+we+end+up+telling+ourselves+about+our.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmcDLAMPXQoGs07I-BX3fdkcFElMKJJirFLqVBSI4NrA7TXKIWKvvxTrjaicoE1DZLG4zzVoneSWes3U5_BvvS0qIM4dh9r3Ab4MsKReUbhW_O-iWN9Gi9yFECfegahwCZ7mtZUhfkdrq/w400-h335/there+are+a+lot+of+stories+we+end+up+telling+ourselves+about+our.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A journal can help separate the truth from the stories</td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: justify;">Source Support</h3><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Imposter syndrome is something that tries very hard to isolate us. It makes us feel as if we’re not deserving of praise or respect. That we should keep ourselves away from the ‘worthy’, the others we view as competent and talented. It tries to make us ashamed of the fact we have imposter syndrome at all. The truth is that imposter syndrome is a common experience. Most of us will have these thoughts and feelings to some extent.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One of the best ways to counter that feeling of isolation and shame is to find a safe place where we can talk to others and share our experiences of imposter syndrome. The number of people who suffer from the imposter thoughts and feelings means that there are many who understand. In sharing how imposter syndrome affects us and makes us feel, we start to feel less alone. Sharing experiences allows us to support each other and see the truth of how talented and accomplished we really are.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3lhfw3kh42-6dEmrgIxR3PXgNBNlXwtI_ZWZ6PPGE0WlxxLJqkjlWSf9S1cktuBosSFN6Fm0esubng8Uk2TCxlbccRO9I7by0GvFYlLuQcbjwDZEralXrTS3NusaZpYnKQcvorSnJeadT/s940/Shame+always+shrivels+when+you+share+it+out+loud..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3lhfw3kh42-6dEmrgIxR3PXgNBNlXwtI_ZWZ6PPGE0WlxxLJqkjlWSf9S1cktuBosSFN6Fm0esubng8Uk2TCxlbccRO9I7by0GvFYlLuQcbjwDZEralXrTS3NusaZpYnKQcvorSnJeadT/w400-h335/Shame+always+shrivels+when+you+share+it+out+loud..png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: justify;">Find a Mentor</h3><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Similar to seeking out sources of support, we can also find a mentor. Someone we can trust to talk through our feelings and difficulties that imposter syndrome brings to our lives and careers. Someone that we know we can trust to talk about the good and bad of what’s happened since the last time we talked and understands our struggles with self-confidence and self-esteem. Someone who can help us to pick out the objective truth to show that the negative thinking is inaccurate and unhelpful.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Finding a trusted mentor who can give us a sense of perspective about the truth of our worth and value in our profession, not one twisted by the negative influence of imposter syndrome, is an incredibly valuable technique in combatting imposter emotions and feelings.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: justify;">Visualisations</h3><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One thing that imposter syndrome often makes us do is imagine the worst-case scenario. We may picture the aftermath of something going wrong, agonise over what clients may say if what we’re saying to them isn’t get the results they want quickly enough, or even imagine ourselves freezing or a situation ending in (comparative) disaster.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">We humans tend to have fantastic imaginative abilities, as evidenced by just how good we are at imagining catastrophe. We can also turn that wonderful imagination to our advantage.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">What happens if, instead of picturing it all going wrong, we picture success?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li style="text-align: justify;">That happy class of puppies and their guardians, building a bond that will last a lifetime.</li><li style="text-align: justify;">The little dog who was so scared of the world starting to look around and interact instead of shrinking down and trying to disappear due to the extent of their fear.</li><li style="text-align: justify;">That moment when the guardians realise that what you have told them is true and turn away from the outdated advice and aversive tools a previous canine professional told them to use.</li></ul></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One of the greatest tools we have to combat imposter syndrome is positive thinking and a positive mindset. If we can build a habit of positive thinking around the things we do, that positivity becomes easier to believe and to absorb. It may be hard to contemplate in the early stages of combatting imposter syndrome, but by following the other tips listed here, we can start to find that more positive mindset and disrupt the hold that imposter thoughts have over us.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: justify;">Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway!</h3><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One more thing that we can do, although it can be very difficult, is to lean into the fear and push through it, doing the thing that scares us despite our trepidations. Setting ourselves to complete a task despite being so worried about it is another way of proving the imposter syndrome thoughts wrong. If we can succeed despite the worry and negative thinking that came before it, we can channel that success into the next task. The imposter thoughts were wrong this time, we could do it, so why can't they be wrong again?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyjoGM4lRE3_h6bINjlR3c-btgSknBGmoW6GjP4Fdt3wO4LDY3n2_lBPk39zKCcu8Z-0WiE1A-SvLmBlKjyS7Qbzfk6wGsgwunOO8VcmAvF00DjB9x9lnfN4svbJfOYr_qSSjHzN-jiLt_/s2048/feeling+water+bottle.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1413" data-original-width="2048" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyjoGM4lRE3_h6bINjlR3c-btgSknBGmoW6GjP4Fdt3wO4LDY3n2_lBPk39zKCcu8Z-0WiE1A-SvLmBlKjyS7Qbzfk6wGsgwunOO8VcmAvF00DjB9x9lnfN4svbJfOYr_qSSjHzN-jiLt_/w400-h276/feeling+water+bottle.png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The more we can push through to complete tasks and achieve what we set out to do, the more it builds into that positive mindset and lets us see that we <b>are</b> more capable, more talented, and have so much more ability than our imposter syndrome wants us to believe!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">* * * * * </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">If you're looking for that safe space mentioned above to find help and support in tackling your imposter syndrome, I can help. Come and join the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/124746796350145" target="_blank">Conquering Confidence: Imposter Syndrome Support</a> Facebook group. We have a wonderful community of largely dog people there, who all understand the impact imposter syndrome can have and are coming together to help build each other up.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Don't forget that live workshops are available - see the '<a href="https://conquering-confidence.blogspot.com/p/workshops.html" target="_blank">Workshops</a>' page on the blog or join the Facebook group for details. There is now also an option to join a monthly mentorship programme, and more details are on the '<a href="https://conquering-confidence.blogspot.com/p/mentoring.html" target="_blank">Mentoring</a>' page of this blog.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I now have a <a href="https://www.redbubble.com/people/bluemerleminion/shop?asc=u" target="_blank">Redbubble shop</a> where there are a number of designs in the shop currently, with more to come.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-77344232587977329072021-06-27T08:53:00.001-07:002021-06-29T11:33:59.463-07:00Are You Hooked on External Validation?<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;">Getting good feedback, whether from a client or a peer, is a great feeling. Having your effort and skills noticed and acknowledged can put a real glow on your day (if on that day you can allow yourself to believe the compliments – imposter syndrome does love to be contrary in that way!) The problem comes if we come to rely on that external validation.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHzpDvxMa3yFlmnHiLLgCypKDZWS3NZ0vv7e5bXIux39ZfPdDb_z3EccZHOnaNfs6EG4GZ5vyqacDDDopIqUAK6o6D5NS9p9qmTDCbBHEI1OXHcLOZWDzQUrvWL-wudAHpYbfRyJ8Mkthx/s1920/feedback-3677258_1920.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1275" data-original-width="1920" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHzpDvxMa3yFlmnHiLLgCypKDZWS3NZ0vv7e5bXIux39ZfPdDb_z3EccZHOnaNfs6EG4GZ5vyqacDDDopIqUAK6o6D5NS9p9qmTDCbBHEI1OXHcLOZWDzQUrvWL-wudAHpYbfRyJ8Mkthx/w400-h265/feedback-3677258_1920.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span><a name='more'></a></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Why We Crave External Validation</h2><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">A large contributing factor to imposter syndrome is that, especially in the dog world, we all care so much about what we are doing. This is particularly true for those of us committed to spreading the word on positive training methods. It’s very easy to feel the weight of all those dogs being trained using unkind methods on our shoulders. Because we care so much, doing the job well is very important to us.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">How though do we judge whether we have done the job well? Does it come from external validation, others telling us how good our class/training session/behavioural consult was? A client telling us how much we’ve changed their lives with their dogs? A peer telling us impressed they are with a particular aspect of what we’re doing?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Does it instead come from inside? Us knowing in our hearts that we’ve done the best job we can, and made a real positive difference to those around us? Can we recognise and acknowledge our own abilities, talents, and skills internally?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC6bBJKhlDfpuM_mGqz9Dk6yFi0VFVLAco7NAKub7L3pAX85rFnWt3NBJdplQ0mHW_j5kT9bXoyg-DRRjSctFTtiZpA5Pi0KDNMGp1OfaQuX8bMHy_bVD4ctU08wvpAmtdL03aP8KA09jH/s940/If+you+are+ever+tempted+to+look+for+outside+approval%252C+realize+that+you+have+compromised+your+integrity.+If+you+need+a+witness%252C+be+your+own..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC6bBJKhlDfpuM_mGqz9Dk6yFi0VFVLAco7NAKub7L3pAX85rFnWt3NBJdplQ0mHW_j5kT9bXoyg-DRRjSctFTtiZpA5Pi0KDNMGp1OfaQuX8bMHy_bVD4ctU08wvpAmtdL03aP8KA09jH/w400-h335/If+you+are+ever+tempted+to+look+for+outside+approval%252C+realize+that+you+have+compromised+your+integrity.+If+you+need+a+witness%252C+be+your+own..png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: justify;">External Validation and Imposter Syndrome</h2><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One of the defining characteristics of many cases of imposter syndrome is a difficulty to do just that, to recognise our success and value internally. The dragging, lingering sensations of fraudulence and inadequacy make recognising our own worth very hard. The reliance on external validation strengthens.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Hanging our sense of self-worth on this external validation is a double-bladed sword when we suffer with imposter syndrome. We need the reviews and compliments, while at the same time we are often unable to absorb and accept them as being legitimate and deserved. Without deliberate thought, we put ourselves into a state of cognitive dissonance, believing that the positive feedback is both needed and undeserved all at the same time. It’s no wonder we can tie ourselves into all kinds of knots of thinking!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: justify;">External Validation in Perspective</h2><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Receiving great reviews and comments from clients and those around us is something we should be able to enjoy. To sit back and think, ‘Yes that’s right. I did do that really well,’ without going through some mental gymnastics to remove the legitimacy of the praise. We need to teach ourselves not to shrug off compliments, or deflect them with some self-deprecating comment.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6S_gHNNaqy87kzJ3MkMfvpHhnUs_eJtBSPGdPC7UtIoYzlamU4woFhNg6ccg4ievLb17oIHlcPPzB32xGa8DV4PmJ_WsHUTtCoBh1u94iqKQ2nw0lain10Ikeenl5xzvbZEPpR_dN97hD/s940/Compliments.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6S_gHNNaqy87kzJ3MkMfvpHhnUs_eJtBSPGdPC7UtIoYzlamU4woFhNg6ccg4ievLb17oIHlcPPzB32xGa8DV4PmJ_WsHUTtCoBh1u94iqKQ2nw0lain10Ikeenl5xzvbZEPpR_dN97hD/w400-h335/Compliments.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The true measure of how well we are doing should be how we feel about it, not linked to any external validation. It’s not an easy thing to teach ourselves to do, but it’s so important that we learn to accept internally the value and worth of what we do. To be able to acknowledge within ourselves our successes and achievements. To realise our own self-worth.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Tackling Imposter Syndrome's Reliance on External Validation</h2><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">A way to begin to do this is to write down the things that we have done and completed. Daily, weekly, it doesn’t matter as long as we do it regularly. Alongside each of these, write (objectively!) the factors that made that completion successful. Then, once that is completed, sit back and look at the list you have written. YOU have done those things. YOU made that class/consult/visit a success. If it’s still a work in progress, focus on the progression that has taken place since previous entries. YOU made that progress possible.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It’s all you, I promise.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">If you want to learn more about imposter syndrome, check out my book ‘<a href="https://books2read.com/b/bW1wVx" target="_blank">Conquering Confidence</a>’ or join the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/124746796350145/" target="_blank">imposter syndrome support group</a>. In the group, there will also be details of live workshops available in the near future, either in small groups or as individual sessions. I’m also working on a mentoring membership package, details of which to come when it’s all developed.</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2563786379369033227.post-66273280217661969282021-06-19T11:56:00.002-07:002021-06-29T11:33:18.176-07:00Do You Feel Like a Fraud At Work?<p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Do you ever find yourself plagued by feeling that you are not as competent and talented as everyone around you is? Not as good at what you do as your peers and friends think? Do you feel like a professional fake, that at some point somebody is going to catch you out and see that you’re incompetent, or at least not as competent as others believe?</p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Imposter Syndrome</h2><p style="text-align: justify;">Imposter syndrome, those feelings of fraudulence, is an incredibly common but relatively little known thing. Something like 85% of people questioned in a survey in 2019 reported that they experienced those feelings some or even all the time. 80% of the male and 90% of the female respondents identified feeling that way, even though only 25% had heard of the term imposter syndrome. The numbers affected is often higher still in people who are in a minority group in their professional world.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvtWTyqs3YxnnK1ELKYliELUnXJ2lHILXno5tAivRWJMNl0McBgRVM4eRj44yOYiSkZh0OlFi8ke0qJfAI9XZGTqPbFgI84xWzd8nBhKXeXW8vC86mOO9rKVzrcjTsvD3LiH9MrkZQI3uH/s940/Nothing+can+harm+you+as+much+as+your+thoughts+unguarded..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvtWTyqs3YxnnK1ELKYliELUnXJ2lHILXno5tAivRWJMNl0McBgRVM4eRj44yOYiSkZh0OlFi8ke0qJfAI9XZGTqPbFgI84xWzd8nBhKXeXW8vC86mOO9rKVzrcjTsvD3LiH9MrkZQI3uH/w400-h335/Nothing+can+harm+you+as+much+as+your+thoughts+unguarded..png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;">It can be incredibly easy to let ourselves feel completely trapped by those feelings. One thing that imposter syndrome does very well is to put us into a place of isolation. Of feeling that we are the only ones experiencing this horrible draining thing. It makes us believe that everyone around us is completely deserving of all and any praise and plaudits they receive, while any that comes in our direction is undeserved, almost as if we’re cheating our way through life.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Imposter Syndrome and Me</h2><p style="text-align: justify;">I say ‘us’ and ‘we’ throughout this article because I talk about imposter syndrome from a position of knowing those feelings intimately. My work in spreading the word about imposter syndrome, and how to reduce its influence and impact comes from dealing with my own imposter syndrome. I changed worlds after being made redundant and stepped into the dog world. I now <a href="https://jaygurden.com/books" target="_blank">write books</a> and give <a href="https://splodgycollies.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">support and advice to people</a> on living with the complex and sensitive characters frequently known as reactive dogs.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Learning about dogs and then moving to educating others about aspects of canine-human relationships kicked imposter syndrome into high gear from the off. I dealt with that by setting out to learn all I could about what was causing these thoughts and how to deal with them. I learned so much that I have created workshops for others (links can be found on the <a href="https://conquering-confidence.blogspot.com/p/workshops.html" target="_blank">Workshops page</a>) and released a book on the topic (link in the Useful Links menu or on the <a href="https://conquering-confidence.blogspot.com/p/conquering-confidence-book.html" target="_blank">Conquering Confidence</a> page). Now I am putting that knowledge into use by helping others online.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">We Are Not the Only Ones</h2><p style="text-align: justify;">Purely by looking at the percentage of people that related feeling the effects of imposter syndrome, we can tell that we are definitely not alone. While hard to contemplate doing, one of the best first ways to start tackling imposter syndrome is to talk about it. Find a group of our peers and be honest about the self-sabotaging thoughts that run rampant through our heads. Often, we’ll find that others around us – even who we see as the most confident of people – will be experiencing the same thoughts and feelings. They just cover it effectively.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixFR-wdAlI-1KSv-0VOmGULE35eo4ocTwjsMEW91rTWr97W9p-va6ri4tywRR5blTm_504KA6Vry-FTJHAJdjBUydMi6DaFQqFWQS7nd1frdFu49t0U87qyPvdeMy6f2txgotuHd26RDWX/s940/It%2527s+not+what+you+are+that+holds+you+back%252C+it%2527s+what+you+think+you+are+not..png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="788" data-original-width="940" height="335" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixFR-wdAlI-1KSv-0VOmGULE35eo4ocTwjsMEW91rTWr97W9p-va6ri4tywRR5blTm_504KA6Vry-FTJHAJdjBUydMi6DaFQqFWQS7nd1frdFu49t0U87qyPvdeMy6f2txgotuHd26RDWX/w400-h335/It%2527s+not+what+you+are+that+holds+you+back%252C+it%2527s+what+you+think+you+are+not..png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;">If that doesn’t feel like something you can contemplate in person yet, you can come and join my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/124746796350145" target="_blank">Facebook support group</a>. There you will find a guaranteed safe space to talk and get support from people who understand and can empathise with what you are feeling. Through that group, there will also be the chance to access live workshops with me, with potentially more opportunities developing to work on tackling the negative thought as the group and associated services grow.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Come and join us and we can beat imposter syndrome together!</p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>Jayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02463384834793212684noreply@blogger.com0